Written by Craig Tally, aka Slymsuknhogs, the unofficial old man of the group on the FL App
Time for the Grumpy Old Man to Rant
Week 5 already!
Ok, quick word association:
Bengals – embarrassing
Chargers – tragic, but entertaining
Giants – bipolar
Rams – thud
Falcons – surprising
Browns – expected, sad
Patriots – pinnacle
Packers – good, not great
Cowboys – impressive
Vikings – wow, just wow
Andrew Luck – endangered species
I’m Hans, he’s Franz, and we want to (clap) Pump, You Up
Does wounded animal and hungry, pissed off lion mean anything to ya? Yeah that was the Patriots/Browns game. I know I hammer the sorry Browns pretty much every chance I get, but that just wasn’t fair. A couple of weeks ago I said this game was going to be a beat down and it was. The setting: Tommy’s first game back after the most contentious standoffs between a player and the NFL; the game after an embarrassing Patriots lose (at home); and a team even though 3-1, that had yet to hit on all cylinders finally having all the pieces in place. OK Cleveland, here you go! The result: 460 yards, 3 TD’s, and 33-13 later the slaughtered prey was mercifully carted off. Did anyone actually think was going to be close or end well? You have to know there’s a picture inside Brady’s locker of Goodell handing him the Lombardi Trophy and that’s his ONLY goal for this year. That moment is what everything he does is about and you get the feeling the only thing standing in the way is about 16 weeks. That moment will be very interesting and quite possibly the highest rated Super Bowl in history, because I also think everyone else wants to see it too, well maybe not Goodell.
I’ve got the fever and the only prescription is cowbell, I need more cowbell!
You know how some cats have collars with bells on them so people know when they’re around? Well I think it’s safe to say the Bengals got all the cowbell they ever wanted to see on Sunday because this morning Cincinnati petitioned the NFL to have Zeke Elliot fitted for one. That was a methodical dissection on both offense and defense for the Cowboys. The Bengal “defense” got embarrassed (sorry Bengal fan, but it’s the only word that really fits), but the thing that was more shocking was the total breakdown of Cincinnati’s offense. I heard the Bengals O-line coverage word for the game was olé. I know it’s only week 5, but Cincinnati has dug themselves a huge hole.
Well isn’t that Special
Let’s talk about two Cities; Philadelphia and Detroit. Philadelphia, city of brotherly love, Movie: Rocky, Song: Philadelphia Freedom, and they’re getting the NFL Draft next year. Detroit, Motown, in a slump, Movie: 8 Mile, Song: Lose Yourself, and no, they’re not getting the NFL draft anytime soon. Even though it looked like the Lions were going to snatch another defeat from the jaws of victory, thankfully the football gods stepped in and did them a solid. Sorry Philly, The Motor City needed this one more than you did.
Jane you ignorant slut
Look, the Vikings won the Black and Blue division last year, but we all knew that was a fluke right? WRONG Minnesota’s defense can once again reclaim the name The Purple People Eaters and I think someone somewhere should already be etching Rick Spielman’s name on the GM of the year award for the Sam Bradford trade. When is the last time you saw a team’s front office make such a great move following a season ending injury to their key player without mortgaging the future and do it over a weekend?? We all know Rick’s brother is ex-NFL linebacker Chris, now we also know both Spielman brothers have a big set of cojones.
You look Maaavleous and you know it’s always better to look good than to feel good
So let me get this straight, the NFL tells Antonio Brown to take his shoes off, the one’s that commemorate Muhammad Ali, or they’ll PHYSICALLY REMOVE HIM from the game, Minnesota’s Everson Griffen’s jersey looked like every other Vikings jersey, but was misspelled (Griffin) and that’s OK, but if you’re a wife beater or a rapist (allegedly) you can play? Nice message NFL.
Chief Meteorologist John Belushi
Silly us, we thought this was going to be a really good year, we thought some great moves had been made, we thought we had seen all the ways to let a game slip away late in the 4th quarter, we thought they had broken our hearts enough, we thought we were going to beat the Raiders in Oakland, BUT NOOOO, you had to go and show us how to lose in a BRAND NEW way. Here’s today’s poll question: who’s spent the most time on the phone over the past 24 hours, Charger fans trying to sell their tickets or Philip Rivers agent trying to get a deal put together to get him on a team that won’t let his talent die a slow painful death?
Now get off my yard